I need instructions for normal

We had our consultant appointment yesterday, and we have the all clear to carry on as normal. No bed rest or even house arrest, because apparently all this lying around might lead to blood clots in my legs and the risk of that is now greater than the risk of bringing on any further bleeds or, indeed, labour. On the subject of labour, given the shortened cervix, at 28 weeks we have been advised that the baby is pretty much ‘done’, if small, and, because it’s had the course of steroids, it would have a very good chance if it were to arrive early. It would have to go in an incubator, but it would be considered a better option to let nature take its course rather than try to delay things. The only reason that they would give treatment to delay things is if they needed to move me to a different hospital where there were available incubators.

BUT, all of this is ‘worst case scenario’, because there is every chance that I will carry this baby to term and have a totally normal, emergency free delivery at some point in June. This really is something to get my head around as we had had it in mind for the last 2 months that we would have a planned C-section at the end of May. I have not done any of the mental preparations that the books have been going on about, because I didn’t think it would apply to me. Being something of a control freak, I was quite comforted by the idea that we would go in to hospital at 36 weeks and come out a few days later with a bundle of joy. Job done. Not so straight forward anymore, but normal is good.

The consultant encourages me to take gentle exercise and go swimming, and to take regular stops to stretch my legs in long car journeys. My waking life is now to be treated as if I am on board a long-haul flight; support stockings are on my mind, if not yet on my legs.

My blood pressure was taken (still fine, at the low end), the bump was measured (ahead a little, but I expect that’s down to the growth promoting steroids), and the baby’s heart beat was listened to. We’re keeping the appointments at the end of April ‘just to be extra sure that things are still looking normal’, and we remain on the kind of alert that is normal for women in their third trimester (amazing to think we’ve made it this far!).

Back at home, and in the absence of anything proper to worry about, I decided to read my notes for the day. I was alarmed to see that, under the heading of ‘Hb’ the number 106 had been written. Heart beat of 106? Whose? Not mine! Mine is closer to 80bpm. The baby’s? Should be 140. It was 140 last week! What’s going on?! To add to the confusion, the 106 was written in a different hand writing and a different pen to the rest of the notes from yesterday. Underneath this, in yet more different handwriting, it says ‘x low hb’. This is even more alarming. My husband, upon studying the notes more carefully, notices that the box for ‘fetal heart’ is ticked, indicating that it was heard but not measured today. Looking back, it is this box, not ‘Hb’ where the numbers are usually written. I am reassured that we would still be in hospital if there were any real concerns. After all, they were very cautious with us last week, why suddenly become reckless now? It’s much more likely that I simply don’t understand the notes, he advises. I agree, and bow to my husband’s logic in this matter. Then I secretly google ‘decoding antenatal notes’ and discover that the code ‘Hb’ stands for IRON!!! Not heart beat. What an idiot! (To be fair, heart beat does seem reasonable… maybe I’m not supposed to understand the code?). I have low iron. I mentally note to eat some leafy dark green vegetables tomorrow.

With that panic firmly put to rest, I relax into my new status of ‘normal’ and look forward to remaining ‘normal’ for the next couple of months, at least. Then I awake at 4 am and, realising that I am now 28 weeks and am supposed to no ‘count the kicks’. Unable to get back to sleep, I start counting. I get 10 in 20 mins (apparently you should worry if you don’t feel 10 within 2 hours). More normal, more reassurance. I go back to sleep and have a very vivid dream about blood transfusions…. I think this might be my normal life, now… 🙂

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